Here’s what’s going on in my house:
* My 7 year old wrote all over a white turtle neck with big green and purple letters that say “FLASH” and “i’ll be back” and “run, sucka”. He also wears it with jeans and a pair of tighty whitey undapants over the top. Oh yeah, and he made a bandito style eye covering with eyeholes cut out. I need to take a picture for you.
* my husband is totally unconscious next to me, I think he took like 3 ambien last night and now he sleeps the slumber of the dead. Not so much fun.(I’m kidding about the ambien, he was up late last night trying to fix this darn computer)
* I am on complete bedrest. Complete. Lay down all the time. I totally cheat and go downstairs and shopping for groceries sometimes, then I pay with pain in the baby region.
* This baby is still breech.
* This means he’s stubborn.
* He tries to kick his feet out of my body.
* I don’t particularly like the feeling of feet tearing through my body from the inside, let alone the outside.
* We decided on a middle name…well…on another part of this name we’re giving this child. I think he may have 2 or 3 middle names, but so does my dad.
* Harper Elias Michael Easley is what we have on the bill now. Maybe Elias Harper Michael Easley. I’d call him Eli, everyone else will call him Harper or something. I like Eli best.
* I’m the mom.
* That means I matter most.
* Its the 4th of July, hurrah! We’re going swimming out back and bbq-ing and probably to some firework show at one of the 2352365224623 shows going on around Vegas.
On a lighter note, I watched A&E’s “Intervention” the other night, there was a 19 year old moon faced girl, looked like she could be my sister…she was on drugs really hard and I was suddenly taken back to my 19th year and had a little mental breakdown in silence at Walgreens at midnight. My husband just stayed quiet, which was perfect, held my hand and reassured me that I am good enough now that I’m 32 and so far from that time to be the mother of these children in my house. I realized that moment…I’m so dang far from healed. What the heck do I need next? Seriously. Seasons change, this one’s not so pretty.
Hopefully this baby coming within the next 2 weeks will make me remember why I love everything…right now I just see gray film on everything…tarnish…smoky windows instead of clear ones.
…catch me later, I’ll be on an upswing and I’ll be much happier. Thanks for listening, and goodnight.
by the way…I haven’t been able to sign into my forum for about 3 months….what’s up in there? People still talk? I miss you all. Somebody help!
Michelle Says:
July 4th, 2006 at 3:42 pmVisit Michelle
So good to see you back, Alli! Hope you have a great holiday, and can’t wait to see some pics of your new son!
Katy Says:
July 4th, 2006 at 5:13 pmVisit Katy
So good to see you back! Hope your baby brings you happiness…even if it is feet first :o)
CL Says:
July 4th, 2006 at 11:02 pmVisit CL
Ha ha…I just happened to check in. I’m so glad that everything is going well, Alli. And yes, it’s hard to get over things from the past.
I still am cheering you on that you will finish that book someday. It will help other people, and hopefully help you too!
ariadneK, Ph.D. Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 12:05 amVisit ariadneK, Ph.D.
You are such a beautiful person in so many ways, Alli, and I wish you the best with everything: your growing family (new husband, new child!). You have come so far in your life…lived so many adventures (even the bad ones are “good” in that they have made you so strong), and this gives people like me faith.
Though I haven’t written about it in my own blog…and have told only a few friends, I had an extremely harsh time last fall (I still cannot let go of my friend Scott’s death over a year ago). Anyway, I can honestly say that as I sat in my living room one night with the chemicals I had ordered (an unfortunate privilege that my profession offers faculty members: the ability to order anything and everything) with which to “do myself in”, I reflected upon my life in comparison to those of many personal friends as well as you, and I called my doctor instead. Obviously, I’m still alive ‘n kicking, but (thank GOD for this!) living now in New Mexico rather than Texas. I’m trying to start my life over, and I feel that you understand, in a way, what I mean.
You take care, and I have only one demand of you at this time: post a photo of the wee tyke when you have him, m’kay?
(hugs),
ariK
Brittany Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 9:33 amVisit Brittany
I’m sorry to hear you’re on bedrest. I’ve done that three times and it could be the quickest way to depression.
I wish I could take your pain and throw it into the fire.
art Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 10:24 amVisit art
Glad you’re back. We are nameing our son,(due Aug 17th) Elijah Corrie
jenib Says:
July 5th, 2006 at 11:28 amVisit jenib
“I’m so dang far from healed”
You are so not alone with that comment. I think I should have that one tattooed onto my forehead. I know hindsight is 20/20 but I am always conscious of how far I have NOT gone in terms of what I see other people doing/feeling. It’s like a built in guilt system that keeps me from rewarding myself from just how far I *have* come in terms of what I was like back then as opposed to now.
Just when I think I have moved on from my own painful and confusing past-it’s right there staring at me wanting to be acknowledged, mulled, obsessed over.
Hubby just asked if we could try for another baby. I was thrilled that he wanted to have another child (with me..lol) but then doubts crept in about the fact I feel I have not done such a hot job with our first one…among other things.
I guess I need to go find a really good therapist to hep me sort through it all because I am not doing so good on my own. Which is extremely ironic considering my education. I can help everyone else but cannot seem to clean up my own “back yard”.
I hope you had a great July 4th. And I hope that your feelings are just fleeting ones related to hormones and the fact that your birthing time is coming up. You *have* come a long way and are not that person from long ago. And you are not alone in having a past whose memories can be overwhelming.
{{HUGS}}}
Suzie Petunia Says:
July 6th, 2006 at 3:11 amVisit Suzie Petunia
Good luck! New babies are so sweet!
Mike Lyne Says:
July 6th, 2006 at 3:22 amVisit Mike Lyne
We miss you too… and yeah, there are still some of us left on the forum. Not much talking going on, but I’m sure that’ll pick up once you’re able to log in and say ‘hello’. (Though I have to give Dave credit for trying to keep things going… and PW cracks me up.)
I’m sorry to hear about your past sneaking up on you like that… for some people there’s no such thing as closure, just a recurring struggle to accept what life has dealt them. Perhaps that’s you. If it is, I honestly feel for you. It’s good that you have a supportive family to be there for you. Cherish that. It isn’t easy to come by.
I hope all goes well with your pregnancy Alli. Take lots of cute baby pictures!
Peace,
Mike
Elizabeth Says:
July 6th, 2006 at 6:38 amVisit Elizabeth
Many of us out here have had difficult things to work through…though yours is a horrific one. I think for myself, the childhood I had will always be there and something to work around…because it was not so extreme as many, I have, with the help of God and a few people in my life, been able to “get past” some of it…but scars are just that…sometimes they come loose and we bleed a bit more. How can we not grieve for what was denied us and what should have been? I so look forward to the next life because ALL the rules there WILL BE obeyed and no one will have to ever endure what we did again!! The scriptures say too that the LORD will restore what the locusts have stolen…I am counting on it!!
Hang in there and focus on the present and your lovely family and new baby coming, so much as you can!
ali Says:
July 7th, 2006 at 2:13 pmVisit ali
Hang in there. Good to see you posting again. Best wishes with the pregnancy.
kimberly Says:
July 8th, 2006 at 4:38 pmVisit kimberly
Hay good to here from you again I stop in once a month to see how you and your family are doing. Do not worry all will come out well with the baby, and I just want you to know we are all tinking about you and, every thing will be o.k. some shit takes alot longer to get over but time heals all wounds or you get really old and forget what it was that used to make you so upset. Well take it easy girl hang in there, rember what dosent kill you will only make you alot wierder than you already are.