“So, you’re Alli the car stealer?” Cody asked me, inquisitively yet not quite judgementally. I took no offense and answered with a nod to the affirmative.
“Wow yeah, I heard all about you. My dad was called into his office when you were missing. You’ve got balls” she said.
“Well,” I answered “I didn’t do it to get attention. I didn’t do it to prove anything. I just wanted to get out.” I looked down at her new Nike hiking boots. This girl was spoiled…that was obvious.
“Yeah, me too. Sometimes I want to leave. I hate when they make us carry rocks and stuff. It sucks out here,” she said with an amazingly white and incredibly toothy grin. She obviously had these counselors wrapped around her finger, and she didn’t even know it. They were afraid of her, that was for sure.
I smiled back and we set out for tinder to make our morning fires. I watched carefully out of the corner of my eye as the staff carefully avoided her like a beautiful blonde plague. She had no idea it was going on, and I wasn’t about to inform her…I was thrilled to be part of this. Hell, I had front row…priceless. They were positively squirming as they watched our friendship begin to bud. The crazy thing was…I really liked her. It was just a happy little accident that she was the daughter of the attorney for these creeps. Thank God she was awesome.
We hiked together, we walked together, we slept next to eachother for the next few days. She and I had lots in common; we both came from fairly affluent families, we were both of the same faith, we were both blonde, we were both born in Utah. It didn’t take much to push us into inseperability. We were best friends in 4 days. I loved Cody. Loved her.
On the 4th day, we pulled our handcarts to an open stretch of H.I.T.R. road and by the time it was dusk, we had our bedrolls set out under a tree beside one another. She and I talked about what we’d do when we got out of there. She said she was going to break up with this older boy she was dating and she’d stop smoking pot. We promised to live together and set up a TeePee making company. We talked about the kind of sewing machine the thick fabric of teepee’s required, we discussed different sizes we’d make for kids and families. We were going to become millionaires.
She was my angel. She kept the wolves at bay. She protected me, and she didn’t even know she was doing it. She saved my life. If only she could have saved the others from what I knew was still going on.
I heard the noises…muffled sobs, quiet rustling, slow walks back to camp as the foul counselors followed closely behind. They knew I knew…I could see it in their eyes the next day. I also knew they didn’t blame me. Out here, it wasn’t about favorites…it was about who could take it and who couldn’t.
Victoria Says:
November 8th, 2005 at 10:14 amVisit Victoria
Allison, I found your site somewhere through clicking around the blogoshpere. I found it on Sunday and didn’t stop reading until I was done, somewhere near Sunday evening. The pain you endured. The awfulness of this situation makes me want to vomit. I hope you continue to write, if not to get your story out, but to purge these memories from your soul. I also hope that you were able to sue these people, put them out of business, something. I hope this story has some kind of good ending. I was a Troubled Teen in the late 90’s and was quickly whisked off to rehab. It did not work the first, second, or even the third time. And the third time, while not in the wilderness of Utah, I had a similar experience of abusive counselors, wicked staff members, etc. I actually complained one day about my finger hurting (because I bit my fingernails down to the quick, I was nervous all the time) and because they didn’t provide me with any kind of anti-septic, several days later I ended up in the hospital with a staph infection that was in 24 hours about to become a blood infection that I might have died from. It has taken me years and lots of Therapy (and money) to get the help I needed just to get over that traumatic experience. I still have nightmares. While I can’t totally relate, I can completely empathize. I know what it’s like to be torn down to the barest of you and be physically, spiritually and emotionally raped. It is awful. I hope you are now living in a much more peaceful and happy place. May God (or whatever you believe) Bless you in many ways- you deserve it. Peace, Victoria
anna Says:
November 8th, 2005 at 12:53 pmVisit anna
whoa out of all this and you still manage to make friendships and see the good part of what you expect to do when you get out you truly are amzing my mind would not have been so clear i would have lost it completly had i been in your situation! ! Anna
Mike Lyne Says:
November 8th, 2005 at 4:43 pmVisit Mike Lyne
Youthful enthusiasm is a good thing! I’m not sure I’d be able to think along the positive lines that you two did… it would be too easy to get lost in the negatives. Good to see that you found some help in the middle of all that. You needed it!
Alex Says:
November 8th, 2005 at 7:09 pmVisit Alex
Well, I am happy as hell that you’re back. Been sitting on pins and needles a long time. Never stop writing, lady. I’m sorry, that must be my motivational speaker showing. Glad you continued, Alli - licious.
Blecksheep Says:
November 8th, 2005 at 11:44 pmVisit Blecksheep
Victoria,
Welcome and thank you for sharing your story as well. I think it helps Ali when others share their experience and let her know she’s not alone. The rest of us who haven’t had a bad experience can give her tons of support but we will never know what she’s experienced.
Enigma Says:
November 9th, 2005 at 2:24 pmVisit Enigma
seems like you have lost momentum. I hope it returns.. the urgency and realism in previous posts seems to have drifted. perhaps events in your personal life have altered your perspective?
Alli Says:
November 9th, 2005 at 3:54 pmVisit Alli
perhaps events in my personal life prevented me from writing…but the events shifted dramatically when Cody showed up. I could make up some events that would make it seem more exciting and tragic, but then I’d be a liar… Things calmed down quite a bit when Cody first showed up…thats what happened and thats what I’m telling…you know? Just hold on…you won’t be disappointed.
Mike Lyne Says:
November 9th, 2005 at 6:44 pmVisit Mike Lyne
I think it’s good that things calmed down for you for a while. Drama and tragedies make for interesting reading… but things change when you think that there’s somebody out there that had to go through all of this. I’m assuming that the goody two shoes attitude of the councilors is a temporary thing…
Rose Says:
October 23rd, 2006 at 9:58 pmVisit Rose
Im a surviver of the program challenger and I also have bonding stories about me and one of the other girls I was the first to run in at the end and she came after we were so close we slept near eachother and giggled together especially knowing we would be at run in time in 2 days we couldnt wait wow I have lots of trauma storys but I also have a few happy ones at the times that we were able to make the best out of our situation.I have many photos of us out there my family sent me a small camra maybe I can post some.