Hole-In-The-Rock road went on for miles. The Kaiparowitz mountains were to the west of us, the cliffs appearing black and steep while to the east of us, the desert went on for miles until it dropped down into Lake Powell. Slick rock and desert were in between.
Cody and I had decided to teach the other kids on the trek some songs we’d sung as little girls at church. Somehow, the counselors let her get away with darn near anything. I swear she was an angel. Anyway, the first song we taught the others was called “Popcorn Popping.” It went with hand actions when you were 3 and your parents had dropped you off to sing with 35 other wild 3 year olds for 2 hours, but at our age, and since we had to push and pull handcarts…we just sang the words. It went something like this:
Cody: K, everyone listen, we’ll sing it together first, me and Allison.
Me: You start.
Cody: 1, 2, 3 go!
Together: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii looked out the window and what did I seeeeeeeeeee???????? Pop…corn…popping on the aaaaaaa pricottttt treeeeeeeee, spring has brought me such a nice suh-priiiiiiize, pop…corn… popping right… before…my…eyes… I could take a hand…full and make a treat….a pop….corn…ball that would smell…so…sweet….it wasn’t very soooooooooo…(nodding heads no) but it seemed to be!!!! (point to own chest) pop…corn…popping on the apricot……treeeeee!!!!!!!
Everyone was silent. I didn’t think it had gone over well. One boy, the one who cried for his momma a few nights before, he spoke up first.
“Um, whats the deal with the apricot trees?” he asked.
“Well, I think the blossoms on the apricot trees look like popcorn, you know?” I replied.
“No. I don’t think I’ve ever seen no apricot trees. They grow popcorn?” he inquired.
“Ahhhhhh, no, but it LOOKS like popcorn,” I said. “The spring blossoms are white and puffy.”
“But how does the corn get on it?” he said, quickly.
“Look, there’s no popcorn. It just LOOKS like popcorn. Its a blossom! Its a surprise, get it? Popcorn is what it looks like? The blossoms?” He was looking at me blankly. “Never mind…” I said.
Cody giggled and said to me quietly, “Allison, I never thought about it that way…you know…the blossoms and stuff. I just thought it was a weird kids song my whole life too!” She laughed and one of the counselors turned to snap at us, but saw that it was her and made an uncomfortable half grin and turned around.
“Man, whats up her ass?” Cody said.
If she’d only known how easy they were being on us lately. If only.
We got to Dancehall Rock about 3 in the afternoon. It was HUGE and HONEST TO GOD it looked absolutely alien sitting there in the middle of the desert.
It was open wide desert for MILES and suddenly, you came upon a huge red rock sitting in a field. When I say huge…I mean gargantuan…the size of a basketball arena that is at your standard state university. Its carved out on the west side into the shape of an amphitheater and if you stood on the floor of it and whispered, someone on the other side…perhaps 200 feet away…they could hear you because of the absolutely astounding natural acoustics of the place. There were little tiny puddles on the ground of the “dance floor” that made up the western side. The puddles were shallow and only the size of a large pizza or so, but they were filled with clear beautiful water. I bent to drink from one and saw a tiny tadpole in it. Amazing that any creature could live on this rock.
Other kids were trying to climb the steep walls that were to the east of it and they weren’t making it to the top when the counselors clapped their hands and told us that we’d be sleeping there tonight. I was thrilled.
Cody and I set our packs down and found a weird spot where the sand had blown in and a few little desert flowers were sprouting miraculously out of the ground. I went to get some firewood and as I rounded the corner, I noticed the intense blue of the sky. It made me feel almost free in this prison of invisible bars I was in. Nick was right behind me.
“Hello there. You thought I forgot about you? I didn’t.” He moved in to the right of me. “No, don’t make any noise…I won’t touch your little friend. I know her dad. Oh, and if you tell her about us? Your little friend will answer to me, and she’s definately cute.” He drifted off momentarily as I’m sure he undressed my little saviour in his mind. He snapped out of it and pulled my by my right elbow to behind a little bend in the rock.
“Let go, Nick” I said.
“Oh, we say no now huh? Interesting. What? What now? You gonna do something?” He asked, a smug smirk on his face.
“Yeah, actually, I’ll bite it off… Explain how it got out of your pants once its laying on the dirt…” I replied.
He let go of my arm and pulled away a little bit. He gave me the most disgusted look I’d ever seen as he backed away mumbling under his breath about whores and filthy little prostitutes.
That worked…for quite a while.
That night, the stars were out, the air was cool and the wind made little whispering noises all around us. Angels were all around us, in the air…in the water…in the sky…and right next to me slept the best one of all.
___________________________________
ps, see the links? check it out…google image search “Dance Hall Rock” to see more photos. Amazing place…Mike and I took a huge trip this summer and early fall to southern Utah and northern Arizona around Kanab and St. George, Lake Powell and Escalante…we went down the road again for me. It was emotional and I can hardly breathe as I type this and look at the photos we shot. Almost too much to remember, but it was good to re-capture my soul from out there. I’ll post pics soon. Thanks guys — Allison
Beth Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 8:37 amVisit Beth
I have been reading for awhile but have never commented. Your story is so vivid and moving…I get chills everytime I read a new passage. I really have to admire the strength that you have to not only live through this, but to retell it with such detail. Thanks for sharing with us.
Alli Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 9:32 amVisit Alli
Thank you, Beth. That means a lot, I didn’t really know if people still read this.
–Allison
ShannonL Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 10:37 amVisit ShannonL
I’m so happy to read that you stood up to Nick. I’m anticipating that he did something to retaliate and I’m afraid to find out.
Man, you write really well. I’m Irisheyes on the message board. Never thought to tell you til now LOL.
Chris Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 11:35 amVisit Chris
I’ve also been reading for quite awhile but have never posted. I check this site every couple of days for new writing, and I’ve also got a couple friends that read now too. I have a feeling there are a LOT of us who read - please don’t ever think we’re not here! This is the most amazing (and horrifying) story I have ever followed, and you are an amazing woman to have come through all of this!!
Tammy Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 11:55 amVisit Tammy
Well Now you know.. lots of people still come to read Allison. I am one of them. I found your story here about 6 or 7 months ago. I’ve been coming back to read ever since.
I can’t believe the incredibly hard things you’ve had to endure. My heart goes out to you and all the other kids who lived through these types of “help” camps. I’m 32.. and i’m one of the lucky ones. My mom almost sent me to a camp similar to the one you were in.
Keep healing Allison!
Elizabeth Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 12:39 pmVisit Elizabeth
I do not often comment but always check each day to continue reading. I am glad you have someone to share your life with and walk with you down these problemic memories now!
Thanks for sharing and I hope your life is blessed now. I am amazed you survived all this! I hope you will tell how it all worked out in the end…how you reached to today from there, as well.
Elizabeth
Sponge Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 12:45 pmVisit Sponge
Oh we’re still here. Enthralled to the end. Thanks for posting again Alli.
stacy Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 12:52 pmVisit stacy
hey, i’ve been reading to for a long, but havent commented much. anyway crazy about that song, i lived in moab and monticello for a while and i remember all my friends and i singing that song about the popcorn! anyway your stories amazing!
Victoria Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 1:40 pmVisit Victoria
Allison, I check your site daily, like some kind of neurotic fiend, hoping to catch a new entry. Your story, as I’ve said before, while so different than mine in its surroundings, so similar in what happened to you. To me. For me, it was a loss of innocence, but when I look through my child’s eyes, I can regain that- if only for fleeting moments. Keep sharing your story. It must somehow bee cathartic for you. I know it is for me.
Cindi Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 2:48 pmVisit Cindi
Yes yes, we do still read, faithfully. When in high school I remember this era too well. I also remember the friend we had in high school who spent a whole summer being “reformed.” She died on the day after high school, of a heart attack, as she stood at the top of the city hall stairs, just having gotten married. She had undiagnosed endocarditis from drinking water with bacteria in it during her summer from hell. Yes we read, and we remember.
C
Rae Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 3:17 pmVisit Rae
coming out of the woodwork to a) tell you that I’m so glad you’re back in the swing of writing again and b) cut it out! Your excellent writing is keeping me from doing my job! *snort* Just kidding (about it being your fault, that is hahaha). Take care, Alli!!
Erica’s mom Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 3:19 pmVisit Erica’s mom
Yes, Alli, people are still reading. I (like a lot of others, I’m sure) waited patiently and hopefully for the next posts. Glad you are back, telling a story–beautifully–that needs to be told.
Cynthia (Erica’s mom)
SoCal Gal Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 3:51 pmVisit SoCal Gal
Yes, still reading. I have a browser that allows me to subscribe to your site as an RSS feed, so I get a notification when you have updated. Thanks so much for sharing your story!
anna Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 6:29 pmVisit anna
i also still read ! i dont post often though. i try and check the updates as regualarly as possible.
you stood up to nick! But i hate to think what he will do in retaliation…
JustNicole Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 8:10 pmVisit JustNicole
I know that you are mine to be proud of, but I am. I am proud of you for doing this… sharing your experience.
Storyteller Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 10:46 pmVisit Storyteller
I’m still reading too…
Mike Lyne Says:
November 15th, 2005 at 11:09 pmVisit Mike Lyne
I can’t decide which is better… the new post or all of the supportive comments.,,
You’re incredible, you know? You go through something that most people would only experience in nightmares, and not only do you get through it but you manage to revisit that time and share it with all of the people out there that visit this site. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I sincerely respect the amount of courage and confidence that it takes for you to do this. Keep on doing whatever it takes to make your past easier to live with. We’re with you every step of the way.
dazed Says:
November 16th, 2005 at 1:19 amVisit dazed
ali
i come here everyday to check for the newest updates.
ive never replied either, but i admire your courage to write it all down, and to revisit a place like that makes me shudder.
Leftygrrrl Says:
November 16th, 2005 at 2:10 amVisit Leftygrrrl
The readers aren’t going anywhere.
Keep telling your stories. Keep healing.
And thank you for providing everyone with hope. Thank you for informing so many of us about this problem. Thank you for being enlightening.
Julia Says:
November 16th, 2005 at 3:44 amVisit Julia
so glad you’ve started writing again
Nightmare Says:
November 16th, 2005 at 8:51 amVisit Nightmare
Allie Girl,
I’m excited to see that you stood your ground a bit and found the strength to tell that animalistic pile of grabbastic monkey spunk, to fuck off.
SillyNessa Says:
November 16th, 2005 at 10:21 amVisit SillyNessa
Hey sweet stuff! Just wanted to send you hugs and say Hi - I’m always here!
Oxbridge Says:
November 16th, 2005 at 11:05 amVisit Oxbridge
I can relate to nearly everything you went through in those 63 days. I was raised in a cult called The Family that abused their children mentally, sexually and physically and a lot of the discipline is VERY familiar. You and I, Alison, are the exact same age and were going through these things at the same time.
I have introduced this site to some of my peers from childhood and they also log on quite regularly.
Matthew Says:
November 16th, 2005 at 4:46 pmVisit Matthew
I started reading the first post around 2 today, I have now read every single one of them. I have found myself on the verge of tears for you several times. I really admire you, your words, your spirit and your strength. I pray that your life makes more sense and that you make it out of this alright.
Blecksheep Says:
November 16th, 2005 at 8:37 pmVisit Blecksheep
Still here allipants!
Binsk Says:
November 18th, 2005 at 1:39 pmVisit Binsk
Amazing as usual Allison.
Your writing is AWESOME. And the story you are telling is surreal, but I’m glad that you are telling it.
Survivor Says:
November 30th, 2005 at 5:00 pmVisit Survivor
Allison,
Keep healing. Keep writing. You give me strength and hope knowing you have endured so much and just keep going…
Thank you!
Helen Says:
December 30th, 2005 at 3:03 pmVisit Helen
Still here too Alli! Glad you’re back to writing!
sjb Says:
May 1st, 2006 at 7:57 pmVisit sjb
Hey allison, thank you far telling your story. My best friend in middle dschool was molested by her nieghbor, and we went through it together. It was one of the best things I have done with my like so far, to be able to help her. Thank your friends and let them thank you.