The next few days were relatively uneventful as fas as Challenger excitement goes. We walked, we slept, we ate rice and oats. We cried silent tears as we hiked endless miles in the desert. I noticed that the boys who came in acting all rambunctious were now beginning to mellow out. The girls who were prissy and proper when entering the program were now beginning to behave like young men, insofar as how they stood, spitting…that kind of thing. I made sure that I’d not resort to losing my manners, so I never let myself turn into a boy.
Sometimes on rests, the girls would sit together talking about how they wanted to make traps to kill mice and eat them. They’d sit perched on rocks, knees apart, elbows leaning on them. They were becoming almost like men.
The most peculiar thing was the boys. On one particular rest, I walked by a group of boys who, when they came into the program, were very rough, some of them gang members. What I heard when I walked by was this:
“So, if you put cinnamon and sugar on top while they’re still warm,” one boy said “it sticks and it makes them so good.”
“I loooove snickerdoodles! Ok wait, tell me again,” another boy grabbed his journal out of his pack quickly and pulled out a pencil, poised for note taking. “How much butter do you put in?”
This place…it was changing all of us, but how?
We hiked along the Kaiparowitz Plateau on a trail called Burr that day. The Escalante River was near us and soon, we reached its banks. It was early March and the snow was still clinging to wintry branches that hung over the river heavily.
“Ok, we’re going to cross this river about 100 times today,” said Murdock. “It winds through this canyon and what you need to do is just remember that cold is just a sensation. This is a lesson in mind over matter. Do not think about the cold and you’ll be fine. Now, lets go.”
He stepped into the cold water and I noticed he flinched a bit as he walked deeper until he was nearly thigh deep in the fast moving river. Ice chunks broke off of the banks and floated past looking like frosty glass waiting to slice at our legs.
We started in, each of us crying out a tiny bit as we stepped deeper and deeper in it. I felt every pore on my legs scream for comfort and the cold was so fierce I could barely keep the screams from coming out of my mouth. My ears started to ring and I could hear my heart beating in my head.
The icy water swirled around in my wet pants and the pain of it made you think you were actually moving your legs when you weren’t. A few times I’d catch myself standing still, another student gently prodding me forward, all the while I thought I’d been moving.
Finally, we reached the other side of the river and stepped onto the banks. The pain of the frozen river lingered for a moment or two, but we kept walking and this got my blood pumping again fairly quickly, just in time for us to reach the other side of the bank where the river had wound snakelike around to this area. We had to cross again. The walls on the sides of the river were slick and steep, straight up. This was the only way.
104 times. One hundred and four times we waded across that river that day. Some of the students would slip on rocks and fall in to their necks, under the water eventually. One of us would help them up, crying from sheer and utter agony from the cold, but none of us wanted to stop on this leg of our trip. We surely would have died at this point.
“I can’t feel my legs,” one boy said, to himself. We all felt his pain as we couldn’t feel our own legs either, but for some reason when he said it, we knew he was being tortured so much that he’d risk breaking the “no talk” rule. I cried but my tears were hidden by splashing water, luckily. I didn’t want to have to be ridiculed for my momentary weakness.
Soon we got to a big open area with a large cottonwood tree in the center and Murdock told us to make camp. This night, he made the fire and we all sat wrapped in our blankets that were also wet as we dried our clothes on rocks by the huge fire.
I do not know how we survived that day… That night I cried and prayed hard to go home. Nobody heard me way down in that canyon…not even God.
J Buckley Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 11:18 amVisit J Buckley
I now have a hysterical mental image of unwashed tired gangbanger boys sitting around swapping cookie recipes!
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 11:22 amVisit Alli
thats pretty much how it was Jason
ShannonL Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 11:50 amVisit ShannonL
They were all just kids trying to be tough on the streets. Inside I’m sure that’s how they really were, loving Snickerdoodles. Alli, I’m curious to know what your brother thinks of your experiences? What is your relationship like with him? How is his relationship with your parents?
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 11:52 amVisit Alli
We all still talk. I have two sisters, one only 15 months younger than I, then my brother who is 6 years younger, and then my other sister, who is right now 21 years old. We are all VERY close, although there are still some issues with my sister and I who are only a year and 3 months apart in age. Its rough…but we are ok.
Sarah Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 12:31 pmVisit Sarah
I’m enthralled with your site, Alli. I read all the way through #40 the past two days and kept checking and checking for #41.
I think you are brave for doing this and I truly hope it is helping you reach further peace. I am quite certain you are helping many others.
And let me add to the chorus…this should be a book.
Jennifer Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 12:58 pmVisit Jennifer
What ever happened to the guy who gave you the M&M’s? Will we see him again?
I am glad that you are close with your siblings. Did any of them have to go through anything like this? I am sure they were scared to “act out” in fear that they would be sent away.
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 2:02 pmVisit Alli
none of my siblings ever acted out like I did. They were terrified I’m sure.
About John, the M&M guy, yeah, you’ll see him.
Treat this like a book people. You’ll have to wait and see, I’ll spoil everything if I let myself get ahead.
Jennifer Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 2:27 pmVisit Jennifer
Sorry! I just had to know! Thanks for the sneak peak though! I can not wait until it is a book, then I will not have to wait! This is hard to do!
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 2:44 pmVisit Alli
oh NO! Don’t apologize. I’m kidding. I’ll write something about John today.
charie slone Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 2:46 pmVisit charie slone
Allison,
I was just wondering if you use real dates. I was trying to look up the girl who died while you were in the challenger together. I cant seem to find a girl that died in feburary. Also were you in the challenger? From the internet it makes it sound like the challenger was over by feb 1990 and summit quest was running. IM just trying to find out information for a friend. She is going to do a report for school on “wilderness bootcamps” after reading your story.
thanks
charie
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 2:53 pmVisit Alli
Stephanie disappeared. I never said she died. Read the entry again, and you’ll see that when we woke up, she was simply gone. I have answered all of these questions at some point in the last few months, thats why I started the forum. Some of your questions could probably be answered over there.
I was there from Feb of ‘89 thru Nov of ‘89. What do you mean “were you in the challenger?” Are you kidding me?
Summit Quest and Challenger overlapped, btw.
On the entry below this one, Michelle Suttons mom (the first girl to die at Summit Quest WHILE Challenger was still up and running) comments to me in detail about her situation. She knows that I am telling the truth because her daughter died there and she knows that what I speak of is true. I’m not going to give out any last names, and if you look at the top right of my profile, it says that some of the dates have been changed to protect the families of the kids who died. I will stick to my promises to protect these families and keep their lives private now that they’ve had 15 years to move on.
I’d love to answer more questions, but I have 4 children, a book I’m working on other than this one and a household to raise, not to mention I’m about to start going through a divorce. I’m sorry, but you should check on the forum, there are lots of answers there.
Allison
Katie Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 2:57 pmVisit Katie
Hey, I read all the way thru to day 40 last night, I was up untill 5am, I can’t believe people went thru this kinda stuff, I’m so thank full that its all changed now, I really feel for you! *hugs*
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 3:00 pmVisit Alli
Aw, I hope you can
pass the hell outget some good rest tonight… Thanks for your kind words!Amanda Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 3:36 pmVisit Amanda
Amazing…. You are such a strong person! Thank you for sharing your experience, and I wanted to let you know that I voted for you!
Amanda
Jeanette Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 4:04 pmVisit Jeanette
This is the first part of this journal that has made me step back and wonder if it’s true.
Why? Because of the 50/50/50 rule. A good swimmer — a GOOD swimmer, someone with a good deal of body fat, too — has a 50% chance of surviving a 50 foot swim through 50 degree water. At freezing-water temperatures, the leg muscles tense and cramp so much that it wouldn’t be a minor problem to survive 104 crossings if you were thigh deep in it, it’d be impossible. And I do mean impossible. Not just improbable. Not just unlikely. Cold is not just a sensation. Cold water — even at 50 degrees — is deadly.
Something here is exaggerated.
Caroline Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 4:08 pmVisit Caroline
Okay, I’m sure someone has already asked this, but about the pictures you add with your posts — Did you go back to revisit the path you took?
I know, I’m retarded because I can’t find anything about them, but bear with me; I can’t help being unable to find stuff, it’s part of my DNA. I’m the type of person who loses stuff they’re holding, while they’re still holding it.
I’m off to bed now, I hope you have (err … have had? What time is it?) a wonderful day.
Burdanilex Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 4:15 pmVisit Burdanilex
You are an amazingly strong woman.
beth Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 4:24 pmVisit beth
I read straight through to #38 and since then have been coming back to check for more. There are no words to express how I feel. I find myself feeling as if I am almost there with you (your writing is beautiful, even in the midst of the yucky stuff) and it hurts to know you are hurting so much through all of this. I can only imagine how hard it must be to go back and write this all out for us, but I can only imagine, as well, how healing. I find myself thinking about you during the day and I say a little prayer for you. and now, after reading some of the comments above, I have had even a bit more glimpse into your life. I will continue to pray for you. You show such strength and this story will reach many people and somehow help them. You’re very brave to tell it all.
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 4:50 pmVisit Alli
Hey Jeanette. Look up the Escalante River. Its about 10 feet across at its widest. It winds back and forth about every 25 feet as the crow flies, so yes, its totally possible. It was not an exaggeration. Do you really have nothing better than to doubt someone on something you’re not totally educated on? It was ankle to mid thigh deep the whole time (did you not read how I said some slipped and went in to their necks? K, read up a bit before making pretentious statements)
Honey, we did it. It was done. I didn’t exaggerate, just google the river. You’ll see what I mean. I never said we swam. I said we waded. So you’re going to tell me that in 45 degree weather with ice hanging on shady branches hanging over a dark river that we’d die from wading across cold water? What in the world would make you think you can come and question my journal entries anyway? You don’t have to tell me what cold is, either. I know.
thanks for your time though,
Alli
Jeanette Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 4:57 pmVisit Jeanette
Oh, ok, so it’s a creek more than a river. I was picturing a RIVER river.
In Illinois we call that a stream!
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 4:57 pmVisit Alli
Caroline, I have some, some are from photographers and a few are from return visits I’ve taken.
Jeanette, its called the Escalante River because it gets pretty deep in some areas. Google it. Escalante River. Its more than a stream, but it ain’t no Mississippi. It also gets fairly deep in some areas, up to 30 feet. Either way, it was really cold.
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 5:06 pmVisit Alli
http://elakepowell.com/freds/escalant.htm
there’s a good link that shows a section of the river from satelites.
alyson Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 5:26 pmVisit alyson
hey alli. i started reading your story the other night after i saw it on the mtv message boards. i’m amazed at what i’ve read. i’m so sorry to see what you’ve been through. my parents always threatened to send me. i can’t tell you how grateful i am that they didn’t. thanks for sharing your story.
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 5:27 pmVisit Alli
you’re welcome alyson. thanks for reading. You too Burdanilex and Beth and EVERY kind soul who reads my story.
Catherine Sutton Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 5:29 pmVisit Catherine Sutton
A year after the death of our daughter Michelle, we were asked to testify before the Western States Conference held in Utah. This was VERY hard for me to say the least. I was told that Gayle Palmer and Steve Cartisano might show up to intimidate me…..”shut me up.” My Attorneys wife could see how nervous I had become at this Conference. She asked if I needed to take something to calm me down. I excused myself to go to the restroom to say a prayer. Gayle Palmer and a couple of her “students” did show up. No Cartisano! Little did Gayle know that my comments at this Conference to those in attendance would include the viewing of a taped recording of her lame excuses on the news about Michelle’s death. Gayles excuses included, “If Michelle hadn’t died when she did, help would have arrived. It was a timing problem.” How about this one? When asked the news woman questioned Gayle about Michelle not having enough water and how the kids were not allowed to share their water with other students or theirs would be poured out. Gayle’s reply to the news woman interviewing her was, “Would you want someone drinking out of your water bottle? It’s for health reasons.”
I had no idea that Gayle would show up at this Conference. My intentions were to educate and hoped to see the programs become what I was SOLD. Gayle’s efforts to intimidate and shut me up backfired on her. Gayle wasn’t the first, nor was she the last person to try and shut me up. We were “lucky” to have retrieved Michelle’s Camp Journal from the desert before the TRUTH was destroyed or buried in the desert. I have heard that others weren’t so “lucky” as we were to retrieve the TRUTH spoken from Michelle’s own mouth.
Allison:
People there are people out there who will try to shut you up. The TRUTH of what has been happening to children for decades needs to be told.
This is an unregulated industry and in many cases there are “criminal minded people” running the programs.
Please Forgive me for going on so in YOUR forum.
I just want you to know that people aren’t always who they claim to be, or SELL themselves to be.
I have to wonder who the person is who is saying that you exaggerated what happened. What is her/his agenda in saying such things.
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 5:44 pmVisit Alli
Catherine, people have come on her in the past and said that these things never happened and that I was lying. You are the mother of Michelle who died out there. I have wondered where you are for pretty much 15 years.
Feel free to comment as LONG and as OFTEN as you wish to. I feel safer now knowing you’re here with me. I hope you don’t mind.
Allison
RuKsaK (a huge fan) Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 5:52 pmVisit RuKsaK (a huge fan)
Hi Alli
Just to let you know I am an avid reader here, if not an avid commenter. Each part just blows me away and can’t help but admire your dazzling courage in writing all this.
Why? Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 5:53 pmVisit Why?
WHY , Why did they risk you dieng like that
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 5:53 pmVisit Alli
Ruk, you’re a good friend. I know you’re there, even when you don’t comment.
Alli
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 5:58 pmVisit Alli
WHY, hm? Who risk us dying like what?
One more thing Catherine, I linked to the Remembering Michelle site on my sidebar. I hope you don’t mind.
oh, here too:
http://www.teenadvocatesusa.homestead.com/RememberingMichelleSutton.html
Christine Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 6:02 pmVisit Christine
Hi, Alli!
You and I are very close in age. I remember all the news stories about Challenger here in Texas. I’m very sorry to hear that you will soon be a single mom of 4. I, too, was a single mom until I remarried to a man who accepted me and my baggage (and the nightmares).
Anyways, I just want to tell you wthat what you are doing is a good thing mentally. My first husband raped me for 5 years as way of control….and this is what happened to you. It was a control issue by a pervert. I know it really helps to write down your feelings and to connect with others who have been through wat you’ve been through.
To the one who couldn’t believe that you can walk through an icy river and survive…it can be done. It was done over and over again by soldiers on the Batan Death March…and they survived, my great uncle was one of them.
Take care, Alli…you’re in my prayers, too.
amanda sue Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 6:16 pmVisit amanda sue
alli,
for a year i worked at a reformative wilderness camp here in texas as a counselor. i felt like we really “lived on the edge” because we slept outside and cooked our food outside. we used the bathroom in latrines. we used physical force to restrain unruly “clients.” none of our “roughing it” came close to what you went through!
some of your stuff sounds far-fetched, and the heart of a person would never want to believe that a human could be that cruel to another person.
HOWEVER, in brief defense of your experiences, there are psychological reasons why an educated and otherwise normal person would participate in this kind of torture (look up stockholm syndrome, Asch’s obedience to authority/conformity research, and Kitty Genovese, for starters.)
i am sure that these things have happened and will continue to happen unless something drastic is done. thanks for posting, and try not to be so defensive when people doubt you. it is human nature to be naive and to want to believe the best from other people. just be glad that one more person read your site and one more person became aware.
amanda sue
kristen Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 6:21 pmVisit kristen
Amanda Sue
Did you work at Woodside Trails?
Catherine Sutton Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 6:23 pmVisit Catherine Sutton
I just seen the name “Murdock” in your post “I can’t feel my legs.”
I am having major symptoms right now!! I will be fine. It’s just this is still a nightmare that I would love to wake up from. One day I am the Mother of 8 children and the next day a National Advocate for Children Rights.
Murdock is the person Gayle palmer SOLD while she used my LDS affiliation to sell this man to me for my daughter. He was the field person Gayle said was six months into the Church and had a dynamic testimony of the LDS Church. “The kids love him,” she said!
After Michelle’s death………Murdock disappeared. I was told he went to Japan. We never did get to depose him like we did the others involved.
The Mother of Jon McMahon, a former Challenger survivor, learned of Michelle’s death. She told me that her son Jon was in Challenger back in 1989 and that Murdock, (Mad Dog Murdock) she said was his nick name, abused her son. Jon’s Mother said her son Jon was made to take his pants off and sit near a tree at the bottom of a hill. Jon’s Mother said a Dog was tied to the tree and that Jon was told if he moved the Dog would attack him. Jon’s Mother also said that rocks were thrown at Jon and these rocks hit him in the scrotum, leaving bruises.
Murdock is ONE of the “survival experts” I was SOLD by you know who!
Jon’s Mother is the one who tried to get Utah Health and Human Services “licensing specialist,” to take action, “before someone dies,” she said.
Jon’s Mother sent me a tape called “The Reporter,” showing kids being taken by force into the Challenger program. Everytime I would view this tape and hear the kids in the Van say, “This should be against the law,” my heart would ache for them. These kids are right! This should be against the law!
Don’t trust the state who hands out the licenses to these stupid people. They care more about the MONEY that is brought into the state than the health and safety of the children being herded in like cattle. They also have more faith in the good ole’ boys and girls they hand a license to than they do the children who are falling helplessly into their clutches.
When Michelle died Utah had 11 programs, but not the money or manpower to monitor ONE! Get the picture? It’s a gold mine for perpetrators!
I am here for you. If there is anything I can say or do to help you, I will.
Sincerely,
Mother of Michelle
Catherine Sutton
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 6:24 pmVisit Alli
Mia Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 6:29 pmVisit Mia
With every new post I am even more amazed. Amazed at what these *ssholes got away with doing to you kids, and amazed that you all endured.
amanda sue Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 6:30 pmVisit amanda sue
kristen,
i worked at HopeCenter for Youth - a now defunct company out of Houston and based in Groveton and Applesprings.
amanda sue
Alli Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 6:45 pmVisit Alli
Catherine…
I think I might need you right now.
Allison.
Catherine Sutton Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 7:47 pmVisit Catherine Sutton
Allison:
As I said, and I meant it, I am here for you!
I believe that some things happen for a reason. I received an email from the Mother of a 15 year old boy who visited your site. She wrote me a very nice letter and told me of your site. Since that day I have been feeling that our meeting at this time was supposed to happen. I can’t explain it. I just know what I feel.
Email me personally if you want.
Sincerely,
Catherine
msmemfund@hotmail.com
Papka Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 8:19 pmVisit Papka
I am so happy that you and Cathrine found each other. Seems like it was meant to be.m =)
Also, this is an excellent entry. You are truly a very talented writer… I could almost feel the cold.
I keep thinking about how in Titanic Leo Dicaprio said that a cold like that feels like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body. Or how I hate it when I wash my hands and the water in the sink is way coler than I expected it to be. I cant even begin to imagine how horrible that must have been and how strong all of you were to survive it.
After reading your stor I have a sudden appreciation for life that I never had before… thank you.
(ps: Sorry if this comment is posted more than once, I keep trying to submit it and my computer flips out)
Avid reader Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 9:55 pmVisit Avid reader
I don’t think that you should get angry at people who question some of the things - it is such an unusual and riveting story that I think it hurts people to know that such a thing can happen, and before they put their full emotions into it (this DOES tug at your emotions), they want to really understand and believe. When this becomes a book, there will be people challenging you whose intentions aren’t as noble as Jeanette (who just seems like a regular reader who was wondering some things). For people to ask questions is a GOOD thing, not bad.
the queen Says:
May 19th, 2005 at 10:37 pmVisit the queen
GOd surely did hear you way down in that canyon, thats why you are here today, god was with you every step of the way, just as he was with the other kids that went through that hell. I can’t imagaine why anyone would make kids walk through a freezing cold river even once. But 104 times, My god that man was not thinking….I just am at a loss for words now…………
Alli Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 1:01 amVisit Alli
Avid reader, just so you know…I get around 75-100 hatemails per day. It just adds up and I don’t really think I was out of line. thanks, Alli
Catherine,
I’ve been praying for something, someone…you’re it.
annabel lee Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 1:01 amVisit annabel lee
Alli, I read your website frequently but rarely comment, because it seems to me there are no words. But reading your comments about your divorce and about needing Catherine…I just wanted to let you know that someone will always be there. You don’t ever have to feel lonely again. You have affected so many people with your writing. I am awed by your strength.
Suzy Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 7:12 amVisit Suzy
Alli-
I am sorry to hear that you are going through a divorce with 4 children…I, too, am a mother and I realize how hard this can be.
Brittany Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 9:40 amVisit Brittany
Alli,
I am an avid reader but this is the first time I’ve commented. I came across this website through a website I frequent called http://www.ontheemmis.com It’s a website for survivors of a rehab that was actually a cult.
Anyways, I would like to say that I admire your strength and courage for even making it through your program and even for putting this out there for everybody to read. I am even more shocked and saddened as I continue reading it. I am truly sorry for everything you had to go through but you have come out of it a strong and amazing woman. Good luck you to and I’ll continue reading.
Britt
Natalie Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 11:41 amVisit Natalie
Alli,
I personally thank you for taking it on and dealing with all the hatemail and doubt.
It takes balls to come out with a story this atrocious. I give you credit. Part of that ballsiness, especially when your story is reaching millions across the globe via the internet, is dealing with all that hatemail and doubt (I myself noticed that in your first entry, you were abducted in Feb. of ‘90–but in these comments, it was Feb. of ‘89. It made me scratch my head, like, “What happened to that year?”) I think you’re doing okay. I think getting the story out far outweighs all the bullshit you might get–and obviously you’re able to deal with all that building up, or you wouldn’t have taken on this project, right?
Alli Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 12:07 pmVisit Alli
yeah well…typos. spellcheck doesn’t catch number errors you know?
I’ve almost taken comments down before, I may just do that. This is for me, not anyone else…well except now for Catherine Sutton who lost her daughter there right after I left. Now that she’s seen this blog and has responded, I feel like I’ve done what I was supposed to do. Doubters, go elsewhere. Her daughter died, and she knows that I was there and that I speak the truth. Thats all that matters.
ShannonL Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 12:10 pmVisit ShannonL
If you choose to take down comments, just remember that people who support you will still be around.
lynsey Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 12:34 pmVisit lynsey
Ali,
I second shnnonL…I also am sorry about your divorce…and you are in my thoughts and prayers ever since I began reading your journey…I have NO reason to doubt you…and I believe every word…I’ve waded willing across streams when it was freezing outside and you can surrive..and it is COLD…some people just shouldn’t speak…some people should just listen to the message that is behind the words…some people should have some compassion on an incredible woman who chose to share such a painful journey with the world at no one’s request….THANK YOU for opening up…Thank you for sharing…and most of all thank you for being who you are…xo Lynsey
Alli Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 12:48 pmVisit Alli
thanks girls. The support from all of you makes me strong.
Natalie Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 3:49 pmVisit Natalie
Word up to Shannon!
(you can play the Cameo song, too)
Avid reader Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 4:00 pmVisit Avid reader
I certainly didn’t realize you were getting 75-100 hate mails per day. Nor did I say that you were out of line, but I just wanted to explain that not all people who ask questions or challenge are out to be hurtful - I’d guess that some just want to understand the story better. And even if this blog is for you, it is helping other people deal with situations like that, knowing you got through it somehow.
Alli Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 4:03 pmVisit Alli
Thank you avid. Its nice when we can talk without fighting isn’t it? Thank you for your support, honestly. I appreciate it…
Serenity Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 7:17 pmVisit Serenity
I think taking comments down would be a good idea, actually. What you need to do is write it out as writing is cathartic. What you do NOT need while you are going through this is a bunch of nay sayers coming on here or emailing you hate mail. Like someone said up there some comments ago, the people who believe you and support you will still be around.
Sallie Says:
May 21st, 2005 at 12:45 pmVisit Sallie
I can’t believe people are sending you such volumes of hatemail! I can understand a certain amount of denial from some people, it is a shock to realise how people can be so cruel and barbaric to other humans. But hatemail? Cowards. I wonder why they feel so threatened by you telling your story. There really are some pathetic people in the world.
Please keep up with your blog entries, with or without comments available, they are compelling reading and it’s important people know what happened on these “camps”. And it’s obviously important to you that you tell the world what happened, so keep it up.
Avid reader Says:
May 22nd, 2005 at 11:51 pmVisit Avid reader
I think everyone should talk without fighting! I only made my comment because I think it’s important to distinguish between people who are being a*holes and people who might have geniune questions. And if you don’t feel like answering someone’s questions, then don’t! Sooner or later when/if this is a book, I’m sure it will all be explained, and I look forward to reading it very much.
Brandon Says:
May 23rd, 2005 at 6:31 amVisit Brandon
I just read every single one of your entries in the past few hours. Amazing, terrible, heartbreaking. This is disturbingly fucked up. I hope that you would realize that your reliance on God is useless, that to be truly independent you can only rely on yourself. These people need to be raped with shotguns.
Christine Says:
May 25th, 2005 at 12:42 pmVisit Christine
Allie. Please don’t stop the comments. One of the things that make your story so special is that you are posting it publically and answering questions. When your book comes out, we readers are going to feel like we know you intimately and will spread the word.
Sorry about your pending divorce but I am certain you are better off.
Rose Says:
October 23rd, 2006 at 11:52 pmVisit Rose
Hi there yes its me again Rose my my was that water cold to my brain I was actually able to feel my brain through the coldness of that stream lake or what ever it was I was in primitive section freezing stream and yes I remember hiking through and through periodictly through streams um lake powell was freezing also but at that time we had 100 degree sun but it was still freezing beyond freeze. Yes I used mind over matter cause I wanted to clean my self while I had the opportunity lake powell was the best opportunity I had