Six months prior to Challenger
“Get up Alli. You’re going to be late for seminary!”
My dad was pulling the blanket off of me by the foot of the bed. I grabbed the blanket and rolled with it onto my side, groaning and complaining about how early it was.
“Just get up. You’re going. That’s it!” he said popping on the light on the ceiling. It poured into my face and I could barely open my eyes. Sitting up slowly was about all I could do and I rubbed my eyes as I swung my feet onto the carpet. The clock glared red at me, and 5 am was its announcement. I hated mornings.
I walked into the bathroom and climbed into the shower. The water poured down on my head and I struggled to keep my eyes open as it gently massaged the back of my neck. My ride was picking me up in 30 minutes, so I’d have to hurry.
Makeup was thrown on, clothes pulled hastily over wet hair as I ran out to the sidewalk and hopped in the carpool that picked me up for the bible study class I attended every morning before school for an hour. The other kids in the car said a sleepy hello and I shut the door. Nobody really spoke, and the sun wasn’t even up yet.
As we pulled into the church, my friend Eric’s mom said to us “Ok, you go on in. Have a nice day at school.” We all mumbled and began to file into the church across from the high school. Once inside, we all found seats behind old fashioned desks that were attached to folding chairs. Immediately, the boys put their heads down and were snoring within seconds. I waited until the other kids in the class were settled and made my way to the door, saying I was going to the bathroom.
As soon as I was outside the classroom, I headed to the door in the back of the church. The sun was threatening to come up behind the mountains, and a yellow glow hung over the hills to the east. I saw him coming, and began to walk toward the 6′4″ shadow that was making his way across the parking lot.
When he got to me, he put his arms around me and pulled me close. I could smell cigarettes on him, and I breathed deeply of his cologne. It didn’t smell like anything but him to me, and I loved it. It was foreign, it was forbidden, and most of all, he treated me like I mattered. But, he was only my friend then.
We walked out of the lot and down the street to the parking lot behind the school. Our friend Keith was there and we met up with him by his car. He told us to get in back and soon after, a girl named Brenda walked up. She got in next to me and told Eddie to get in front with Keith, and we were off.
“Hey, so anyway, you’re friends with both of these guys right?” Brenda asked me. “You know them both?”
“Well yeah,” I said. “I’ve been good friends with both of them for a while, and they’re pretty much best friends with eachother. Why?”
“Well,” she hesitated, “I was thinking that maybe I’d try to hook up with Eddie today. He’s way cute and well…I kinda think I like him. You don’t like him do you?”
I thought about it for a second. Eddie and I had always just been really close friends. He didn’t ever hit on me, he took care of me when we went to parties or whatever, and I’d never really thought about if I liked him for more than a friend or not. I supposed it was fine, so I told her “No, its alright. I’m just friends with both of them.”
“Oh good!” she said. “Keith likes you, thats why I say it. See, I was talking about it this morning and he said he has always had a crush on you since you guys were in grade school. He might try to kiss you or somethin’ today ok? Don’t tell him I told you!”
She directed the boys to her apartment where she shared a 2 bedroom loft with her mom. We climbed out of the car and went up to her place.
It was clean, flowers were all over the place, and I noticed that there didn’t seem to be anything at all there that would indicate the presence of a man. She told us to sit down and she went into the kitchen and came back with a bottle of vodka. We all sat forward as she poured shots for all of us. We looked at eachother, and nobody wanted to look like a chicken, so we all took our shots, trying hard to ignore the sting and burn as it traveled down our throats.
Soon, we had each had 7 or 8 of them, and I was definately feeling awesome. Somebody suggested that we go to the apartment complex’s racketball courts and run around, so we did.
I layed down on the cool wood floor, my back to it and my arms out to my side. I looked at the ceiling as it spun around and tried desperately remain sober. I looked over and noticed that Keith was on one side of me, and Eddie was on my other. Brenda was next to Eddie on his other side trying to get his attention. She was beautiful, and I knew that one of those guys would be kissing her in no time, so I closed my eyes.
We were all laying flat, silent, letting the hum of the air conditioner above us cool us, calm us. Everyone had their eyes closed and we were still. I felt a hand grab my left hand. It was Keith. He held it tight, squeezing a bit. I didn’t shake him off, he was my buddy. It felt nice.
Suddenly, another hand grabbed my right hand. It was Eddie. I peeked around and noticed that nobody had their eyes open, so I knew these boys hadn’t planned this and I sat there stunned, not knowing what to do. I loved both of these boys equally. They were like…well like brothers but not brothers to me. I sat there, heart racing, wondering what I should do.
I stood quickly and said I needed to walk around a bit. Keith offered to come with me but I told him not to, that I was ok. He said fine, and I left by myself. Just as I got to the glass doors, I saw in the reflection of the windows that Eddie had followed me. I kept walking and when his silent tall frame got to mine at the end of the hallway by the drinking fountains, I turned and faced him.
He reached his hand around my neck and looked in my eyes for a moment, then kissed me.
Keith never forgave us, but what he didn’t know is that Eddie was to play a very intricate and important part of the next 5 years of my life. This was the beginning of a half decade in an extremely torrential love affair.
___________________________________________
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Suzi Says:
May 15th, 2005 at 7:25 pmVisit Suzi
Oh, goody! I was hoping we’d get to know Eddie better.
Great entry as usual, Alli.
Willful Exposé Says:
May 15th, 2005 at 8:17 pmVisit Willful Exposé
I was going to ask you what those early morning Mormon Bible studies are like, but I guess I can’t!
Alli Says:
May 15th, 2005 at 8:27 pmVisit Alli
oh you can. I went for 2 years before this crap happened.
jes Says:
May 15th, 2005 at 8:41 pmVisit jes
so if you and Eddie hooked up 6 months before challenger, but your relationship was 5 years, i’m VERY anxious to find out what role he played in your life after challenger.
TDC923 Says:
May 15th, 2005 at 10:38 pmVisit TDC923
Me too, I am also anxious to find out where he is now and what eventually happened between you and him!!!
Patience is a virtue, this I know, but waiting is too hard to do!!! *smile*
Vincent Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 6:46 amVisit Vincent
I guess that left Brenda in the cold.
Alli Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 8:28 amVisit Alli
no, she hooked up with Keith.
Jennifer Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 8:44 amVisit Jennifer
Great post Alli! I can not wait to hear more!!!!
Why not just kill yourself Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 9:46 amVisit Why not just kill yourself
What ‘udder’ bullshit. Try writing your own fiction and quit stealing bad fiction from A.S.S.
mary Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 9:57 amVisit mary
How dare that person write that comment! Someone like that is just a miserable human being that wants so badly to bring everyone down with his/her ship. Keep writing Alli! Most of us hear want to know your story and can feel your pain in every word.
Buster Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 10:54 amVisit Buster
What the hell is wrong with people? Someone trusts us with her personal history & trauma to entertain, educate, and share herself blindly with the world, and this - THIS - is the thanks she gets!? You know what, Loser? FU. Alli is my friend and asswipes like you will never be so lucky to know someone like her. Delete his comment Alli, and this one as well, because he doesn’t have the right to talk about you, nor does he deserve the notoriety he wants by insulting you. You know who your friends are, and we are grateful to be touched by any part of your life.
Mike Lyne Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 11:33 amVisit Mike Lyne
Thank you for taking the time to share this with us, Alli… I think I can speak for 99% of us, when I say that we really do appreciate your hard work and courage. As for the other 1%, they aren’t worth your time, so just ignore them.
Hopefully everything is ok on your end of things. It sounds like you’ve been having a rough time over the last week or so… don’t let life get you down though. Just remember: no matter how bad it gets, you’ve always got a couple of hundred loyal people here to be supportive and listen to you. So stick with it.
Talk to you on the forums!
Mike Lyne
Alli Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 1:02 pmVisit Alli
Nassaukids@hotmail.com, shhh… your so-called-clever pun was lame. You should go play with someone else. I’m not in the mood.
Whats especially interesting is that this troll works for the New York State Division For Youth in Rensselaer, NY. Surprised anyone?
Suzi Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 1:43 pmVisit Suzi
Trolls are so amusing. I especially enjoy when they get fired from decent jobs over their chickenshit lameass postings. Watching that unfold is one of life’s special pleasures
kraptastic Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 3:35 pmVisit kraptastic
Great entry Ali! are u still friends w/ Keith and Eddie?
Alli Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 3:40 pmVisit Alli
neither at the present time, no.
Papka Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 4:28 pmVisit Papka
This was a nice entry. I do wonder though why you and Eddie arent friends anymore, after five years of friendship? hmm..
Alli Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 4:32 pmVisit Alli
to put it out quickly, we had a baby at age 18 and he decided he needed to have more babies with other girls at the same time.
the queen Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 5:49 pmVisit the queen
You are such a great writer alli! I am glad to see that you have added in some history to yourself and others in your life as well.I love you girl!!!!
Tabitha Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 6:42 pmVisit Tabitha
Aw, I was hoping Nice Guy Eddie hadn’t turned into a typical teenager/man. Well, at least you have a beautiful child/teenager.
Stef Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 7:24 pmVisit Stef
Hi Alli,
I just found this site today and I think it’s great that you’re writing all this out for everyone to read. It must be very cathartic, and hopefully just as helpful for people to read as it must be for you to write and get this all out of your system. Plus you write really well, and it’s a fascinating recollection of what happened.
However I am really disappointed by the way most people seem to be reacting to this and leaving comments; demanding to know what happened next, or how a certain character progressed, as if this was all just some made up story.
This was your actual life, and I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that must have been to deal with, and must still continue to be. I’m sorry you had to experience that, but I’m glad that you’re moving on and finding a way to make something positive out of it all.
Don’t let anyone force you to tell your story in any way that makes you uncomfortable, or in any way that’s different to how you planned it. You don’t owe any of us anything. No answers or explanations or character twists or plot devices. Just keep on sharing and that’s more than enough.
Thanks for letting us read! Keep up the good work, and good luck with everything, both now and in the future.
-Stef
Kamea_8 Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 9:41 pmVisit Kamea_8
Great entry Alli! Can’t wait for the next one! You are very talented in writing, especially with it being you’re life that you’re having to put into words. I write a lot, but I don’t think I could ever do something like this. I’m glad you spoke up. There are many out there who can’t.
Faustus Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 9:42 pmVisit Faustus
Big fan of the site. However…
There is no excuse for posting disrespectful comments. But sometimes I see someone question the authenticity of the site and just get mercilessly beaten in the comments. People shouldn’t be chatized for being respectfully skeptical or inquisitive (I am NOT talking about the fellow above); a lot of stuff on the internet is fake.
I personally do not doubt the authenticity of this site. It seems much more likely that Alli actually went through this than her being the greatest con artist and sincerity-faker ever. But you can’t really villify people for being skeptical. After all, I found this site via Metafilter, and the link to it was promptly removed with a statement calling into question its authenticity.
So cut some people some slack. Alli is doing a great job getting all this stuff out there, and she’s obviously tough enough to handle the occasional doubter in the comments.
Alli Says:
May 16th, 2005 at 11:57 pmVisit Alli
Thing is, I don’t care if people believe it or not. When I started this blog, I didn’t even give the address out to my family…only like 3 friends. It spread from there, so yeah, I was posting it on here because my soon-to-be-ex husband kept throwing my written journals out. I meant this initally to be my personal place, but its become quite public. So when people are skeptical or rude, I don’t care. I’m not writing it to prove anything, simply to heal.
Those of you who stick up for me, I appreciate you. Those who get really angry and defensive of me have been here the whole time and they just get angry after its happened like 235 times.
Just keep reading. If you wanna say something, say it. I won’t censor anyone, and I expect the same of all of you.
Alli
CL Says:
May 17th, 2005 at 12:11 amVisit CL
I’m glad to hear some background about Eddie, too. I’m enjoying the way you’re telling this story!
What or who is A.S.S?
Alli Says:
May 17th, 2005 at 1:28 amVisit Alli
I have no idea. I wondered that myself.
Faustus Says:
May 17th, 2005 at 9:10 amVisit Faustus
Alli-
Why did the clowns at Metafilter remove the link and claim it violated policy?
Just curious.
Thanks
Alli Says:
May 17th, 2005 at 11:29 amVisit Alli
The person who submitted my website was named Ali or something and they came over here and saw that my name was Alli. I THINK that’s what happened since I didnt know about the whole thing til it was over you know? But anyway, he said the rules were that you couldn’t self-promote or something, and removed the story or whatever it was. It was really weird, but not unexpected. Alot of people don’t believe it and the guy sent me a pretty mean email saying he didn’t believe my story, so he was taking it down. It was funny because I’m not even a member of that place and you have to be to post a link. Silly.
ariadneK Says:
May 18th, 2005 at 7:33 pmVisit ariadneK
Hi there Alli,
Do you plan to post more “After Challenger” type-entries? I apologize if someone else has already asked this (you get so many comments on your site that it is difficult to keep track of all of them), but it would be fascinating to read more…
Take care, and keep up the good fight,
K.
Alli Says:
May 20th, 2005 at 5:57 amVisit Alli
Yes, I’ll put up lots of After Challenger stuff. DOn’t worry, you can ask me anything.
Orgi Says:
May 26th, 2005 at 4:56 pmVisit Orgi
you say “so yeah, I was posting it on here because my soon-to-be-ex husband kept throwing my written journals out.” which reminds me some words that i live by, lyrics to a song actually. Italian Radio by Blue October. they are: “i wrote down the things that you wanted me to be, they outweigh the ones that make me happy.”
i to had an ex that made me feel guilty about my writing when we dated 4 yrs ago, funny thing is he now has a lj.
c.