When I got home from Challenger in the summer, my family thought I looked radiant, I thought I looked like somebody else. I asked permission of my parents to do everything. Mother may I go to the bathroom? Mother may I open the refridgerator? Mother may I walk to the mailbox with you? They thought it was charming. I thought it was scary.
I layed in my bed the first night home…it was too soft. The ceiling was too low, and it had no stars. I felt safe and afraid at the same time. I didn’t fear the scorpions and it was too quiet, all this city noise was too quiet. I needed my own thoughts, tearing around in my head, reminding me that I was bad. Here in my bed, I was fresh, new, tortured inside. I was too clean but the process in which I’d been washed was so dirty. I was not unlike an infant, hating the bath. I had to get out, not to be naughty, but to sleep on the ground.
I crept outside to my backyard with one blanket and settled in on the sand and grass. This felt like me. This felt normal. I wasn’t deserving of a bed. I was dirty. I was an animal.
Bryna Says:
May 21st, 2005 at 12:16 pmVisit Bryna
It’s amazing that even after escaping it, you are not relieved. You are wrapped up in it so tight that even in a “haven” like home you are not safe.
How long did it take to get back to “normal”? Normal, of course, doesn’t exist. Especially after your experiences!
Channing Says:
June 23rd, 2005 at 6:29 pmVisit Channing
tears …
so sad Says:
August 25th, 2005 at 8:57 amVisit so sad
“I felt safe and afraid at the same time. I didn’t fear the scorpions and it was too quiet, all this city noise was too quiet.”
Afraid of your parents? I sure as hell would be!
Liz Says:
January 19th, 2006 at 7:29 pmVisit Liz
I would fear my parents affter what they did. They should have researched the school, but I suppose it was well hiden. Still, you should have been believed. That is very sad taht you had to sleep outside.
Rose Says:
October 23rd, 2006 at 6:03 pmVisit Rose
While being out there in utah I was held back so I did 4 sections I had to do handcart twice. Anyways I would like to share what happen to me while being in the section of (executive)By this time I was there for the second section of the program. Well we had to do a solo in the wilderness for 4 days. They spread us apart from one another one by one so no one would know where anyone was at.Still at this point I did not know how to make a fire and didnt even have proper material for myself I had my sleeping bag which was also a back pack that we hiked with,I had my food rations which was raw rice.raw lentils.raw oats.raw germaid.powdered milk.rasins.brown sugar.It was the very end of winter and it went from rain to snow to rain I was frozen for 4 days soak and wet curled in my sleeping bag after all my little bag of rasins and brown sugar and powdered milk was gone I layed there in my soak and wet sleeping bag for 4 days starving and freezing I was crying and moaning counclers came to visit me once a day and would not get me a fire started I had to accept the fact that I dindnt know how to get one on my own cause at this point of program I should have been able to get one on my own I moaned day and night I couldnt wait till we were able to come off this solo.I couldnt get a fire for the 3 sections I was there.I tryed but my spindle I had carved was not working the way it should have the one I found when we were at those plants werent healthy ones. Well I ended gettin my hands on a spindle and for the next 3 weeks I was there I was called fire queen . This is one of my many stories I have of my own experiance out in the challenger foundation Love Rose
Rose Says:
October 24th, 2006 at 1:31 amVisit Rose
When I came home from challenger foundation it didnt change one thing about myself at all except for the fact that I can probally become a perfessional bum.Two months after being home I was then sent to mountain park boarding academy I was locked up in the bad boy bad girl school for 9 months and then the beat went on after I came out from there.That program I was sent to after challenger program was also shut down do to the fact of teens death and abuse.