63 Days

For Kady Wood:

Morning came and I realized that I was still in the hotel room. The curtains let only a sliver of light through, but it was shining directly on my face. I could smell the musty cigarette smell all around me, the scent of thousands of guests here at the Tropicana. The clock said 7:11, and I layed there for a moment wondering what day it was. It had been 3 days since the escape, and I was exhausted still, even after sleeping in a bed, under a roof, without the threat of animals…animals in human form.

The tile in the bathroom was cold on my feet and I washed my face and stared at the reflection of myself in the mirror. My nose was pink from sun exposure, cheeks sprinkled with new freckles and my hair was even tinged with highlights from the sun that had been on my head every day for the last 2 weeks. I stood back and looked for a long time.

Who was this girl in the mirror? How did it get this far? A year ago I was in school, thinking about boys and friends. Memories of childhood tragedies started to haunt me a little bit after my 13th birthday, and nightmares and insecurities haunted me day and night, as I found myself looking to always have some kind of interest shown to me by the opposite sex. All it took for me to go this far off the deep end was a boy who was as insecure and hurt as me, and we became inseperable. We started making our relationship into a very intimate one. Life from there on out started to crumble for me….for my parents. My days were consumed with Eddie, he was my waking thought, I was his mother figure.

He never had a mother, not really. He was abandoned and given into foster care at a young age, where he was repeatedly transferred around, then kidnapped back and forth by his birth mom several times. After being adopted finally by his dad, he still suffered from his past and I was looking for someone to nurture, for someone to love and need me, to tell me that I was important and alive. This is where our sick and tender relationship started. This is why my parents panicked. This is why they were quick to get me help. I wished they would have just left me at the ocean, to fall into its wet embrace. I’d walk under the pier, under the people who didn’t even know I was there. To heal there, to forget all of the childhood crap that happened when we lived by the ocean…

A knock on the door brought me back to reality. I pulled on my pants and went to open it. The man stood there and looked at me and said “I need to talk to you.”

I let him in and we sat around the tiny table in the corner of the room. He had his hands folded in front of him on the table and he hung his head down, thinking.

“We found Natalie,” he started. “She and the girls were pulled over by the police after we found out where they were. We happened to pull behind them as they were coming out of a driveway, and we took them straight to juvenile hall. Your list of contacts payed off, and we got her. You will be going back to Utah today, but since you helped us out, you will not ride in cuffs. A small plane has been chartered and you’ll be leaving in 2 hours, so get ready. Natalie will be very angry with you, we told her you helped us.”

I was terrified. Not only were the counselors there going to have a hayday with me, but now Natalie was going to want me dead, literally.

“She’s going to kill me! She is crazy you have no idea!” I said, worried.

“We’ve taken care of that. As soon as you get back, you’ll be put in solitary for a week. She’ll be put 40 miles from you, also alone. If you behave while you’re out there, you’ll go back to the beginning after a week…you’ll start again with no food, all they way back to start the 63 days is over, and after THOSE are done, if you’re good, you’ll run-in to your parents. If we think you’re still a threat to yourself and your family, you’ll have to start over again from the beginning.

As for the cars. Since you didn’t cross state lines with the first one, and we found the car ok, you’ll not be charged with the first car. Somebody must be looking out for you because as you know, the second car you stole was your parent’s friends car. They’re not filing charges either. All they ask, both parties, is that we take you back and make sure you complete the program. You’re one lucky kid. You must have God on your side…and you should be extremely greatful.”

He stood and walked toward the door, and as he turned the knob, he turned around and said “Now I’ve taken the liberty of ordering you some breakfast. After yesterdays…er…menu choices, we decided that we should be making your choices for you. You’ve got 2 hours. Enjoy them.”

I sat on the bed after pulling on the new camoflauge pants my dad sent for me. A new white tshirt was excellent, as the one I wore for the first week there was already horribly stained and dirty. A new pair of boots and wool socks were sitting on the chair by the tv, and I grabbed them and put them on the bed next to me as I switched the news on.

I ate my pancakes and sausage in silence. The tiny pieces of melon and pineapple in the bowl sat on the edge of the tray, and I was saving them for last. The tv in the background was just noise to me, and even still, it wasn’t as loud as the fear that was in my heart at that moment. I could hear myself screaming in anticipation of going back to the desert. Waiting for the clock to tick the second hour was like knowing a wrecking ball was aimed at your head and having to just sit there and wait for it to drop.

At 9:30, someone knocked at the door and shouted “lets go!” to me. I grabbed what I had and opened the door. They had a bag open for me so I could put everything in it. I was shuttled down the hallway and once again into the elevator, this time descending.

As the doors opened, we entered into the noisy casino with its flashing lights, smoky slot machines chiming off simultaneous as the gamblers stared trancelike into the video screens that displayed the odds of their games, which were slim to none. Still, they stared and I was amazed that nobody even looked at the strange 15 year old girl being escorted out the doors by 4 large men.

We drove to the airport, which was only a block away and entered the private chartered plane hangar. We were going to ride in a little 6 seater, and my heart stopped when I saw Natalie standing there, hands cuffed behind her back. She was looking at me with spite and I knew that they should have put her on a different plane, but it was too late.

The pilot came over and explained to me that our flight would only take us about 2 hours and that I could sit in the second row while Nat sat in the rear. He said that we would have to be next to a counselor at all times and that when we landed we were to wait til he got out to exit the craft.

I got in and sat down. It was small, narrow and there were two seats in the front, two in the middle and two narrow seats in the back. Natalie was sitting behind me in cuffs still, cursing at me the whole time. Did she not remember that she left ME at the Pizza Hut? How could she be blaming me for this?

Take off was bumpy, and my hands gripped the arm rest tightly until my knuckles were white and I couldn’t move them at all. We were flying fairly low and it was extremely noisy in the cabin. My ears popped when we’d go up at all in altitude, and on the sudden drops, my stomach would scurry to my throat. The ground below was dry, empty. The highways and small roads that cut their way through the sand were like veins, and I wondered who was driving on those roads. I wondered where my mother was, since I heard nothing nor seen anything of her while I was with my dad. Nobody told me anything about her being in Salt Lake City.

Soon the ground started to get more and more green. The tan desert earth was becoming more and more red, earthy. Trees sprouted out of hills, rivers were winding through red rock canyons and just as I got to a place in my head where I could enjoy what I was seeing, we started our descent.

We landed on a dirt runway and it was bumpy and dusty, but adequate for the needs of our pilot because very soon, we were stopped and I was getting out of the plane. I looked around and stretched, wondering if I’d be in trouble. I mean we’d sliced the tires on Murdocks car, stolen Smiling Otters car and cut the phone line to Horsehair’s cabin. I could only pray for someone good to be picking me up and taking me out. Natalie was yelling obscenities at me and trying to get over to me but they were restraining her. They put her into a jeep that drove up and I was pleased to see that her escort was someone I didn’t know…perhaps I’d be just as lucky.

The sound of another jeep approached from behind me and as I turned to see who was in it I froze. There behind the steering wheel was Murdock. His black shades perched above the most vile grin I’d ever seen on a man. He came to a stop a few feet in front of me, only slowing at the last second and leaned out the window to me.

“Well hello there pretty lady. Seems you liked us so much ya just couldn’t stay away, huh? Well c’mon, don’t be so shy. Why don’t you come on over and git in? C’mon, lets go, babygirl, thaats it, alright…keep it comin’.”

I inched slowly toward the jeep and as I stopped and thought about turning and running, one of the men from the plane was behind me. He pushed me toward Murdock and put me in the front seat next to him.

The jeep jerked to life and we were off. I sat there, still. Murdock stared straight ahead and just as we rounded the bend on our way down to the canyons where they were planning on leaving me by myself for a week, he put his hand on my knee and looked over at me through his sunglasses.

“You’re mine now. You ain’t going nowhere…”